Meet Graham and Debbie Howard - Foster Carers

Graham and Debbie have three birth children – Alex (17), Emily (15) and Oliver (14). They have lived in Potton for more than 20 years and have had various leadership roles within Potton Vineyard Church. Graham is a Garage Proprietor in Biggleswade, and was formerly a Trustee for the church.

At present Debbie heads up the ‘Welcome Team’ and is a co-ordinator for ‘Lilypads’ (the creche facility for children aged 0-4). They have also been Housegroup Leaders and led various youth groups.

I went to talk to Graham and Debbie about their role as foster carers. They have been fostering for 3 years now and so far have looked after 6 children and at present are caring for Paul (aged 10), whom they hope will stay with them long- term.

What made you think about fostering children?

Debbie had been keen to foster for some time but was aware that Graham would take a little more persuasion. Debbie’s mum was fostered as a child having been seperated from her siblings and had been badly treated whilst in care. Debbie felt she could make a difference and as a family were in a fortunate position having been blessed by God and wanted to share the house, love and family with others. Debbie spoke to several foster carers in order to gleen as much information and felt compelled through prayer to find out more.

How did you start the process?

We were recommended to approach Foster Care Associates, a private fostering agency, as they provided a high level of support and training for their carers. Both Graham and Debbie went on an initial introductory training course to find out more and be interviewed as to whether they could start the assessment process. It takes about a year to be approved and is a very gruelling process. A representative of the agency visited us as a family several times a week for many months and sometimes came unannounced! The approval panel consisted of 15 representatives from the Police, Social Services and other organisations and they made the final decision as to whether we could be approved as foster carers. Initially we were to look after children on respite care, but we were in fact thrown in at the deep end by looking after two teenage brothers called Michael and Bubbles who proved to be an immense challenge and steep learning curve for the whole family!

Did your Christian beliefs come into the process, in view of the recent debate about adoption agencies and their clients?

No, our Christian beliefs were not a problem. Several carers and staff coincidentally are Christians within the agency and we feel adept and qualified in taking children from different cultures, sexuality and beliefs. We enjoy having the opportunity to take holidays with other foster carers, hopefully sharing our faith but also accepting their lifestyles. We feel that although God may challenge us in our work that he will not give us more than we can handle! All the children that live with us attend church and are part of the wider church family. They are encouraged to participate and make friends albiet it can sometimes be a challenge for the church to accept these children due to their disruptive behaviour!

Is there much paperwork?

Yes! Daily recordings have to be kept, meetings have to be minuted and training courses have to be attended on a regular basis. Debbie is self-employed. We are reviewed annually and Debbie has just completed her NVQ 3. We are now in a position to care for 3 children on an emergency basis, respite or short-term care, 0 – 18 years old with any disability. Debbie has completed her training to include caring for and assessing mothers with their babies! (We have recently altered our house in order to create another bedroom).

How have your children responded to having other children in the family home?

Debbie hadn’t realised to what extent their children would play such an important role in fostering. We were advised that the ideal placement would be for a foster child to be younger than our own family and this has proved accurate. Oliver said that he enjoys meeting new children but is sad to see them leave. We try and keep in touch with those children who have moved on but this is not always possible.

What have been the best moments?

Seeing the children make attachments to people, having an identity and blossoming in their attributes and personality. When the children first arrive in our home they are often nervous, angry and uncertain of their future. We never judge a child but accept them today for who they are but encourage them to gain confidence in who they could be. Some settle more quickly than others but they have the opportunity to see how a ‘normal’ family communicate within a safe, caring and secure environment with food served regularly at the table! Within time they begin learning how to trust. These children have often been let down and are emotionally damaged but as foster carers we can set firm boundaries so that the child feels safe and secure.

What have you learnt through this experience?

To love and care for the children unconditionally. It can be extremely demanding on our time, energy and patience, consequently we need to preserve our own family time also – making time for our own children and taking respite in order to have holidays as a family to re-charge the batteries. Fostering has made us a stronger, closer family where stickability is a vital asset.

What would you say to anyone considering becoming a foster parent?

We would recommend that anyone who is interested in fostering should try it. If someone has enjoyed being a parent there is no reason why they can’t care for other children. You have to be willing to make sacrifices, there are huge time restraints as often the children we look after within the agency have been excluded from school so Debbie works from home. If we want to go out we have to arrange for an approved sitter to babysit our foster children whereas our own children are old enough to look after themselves!
Fostering can be extremely rewarding and we won’t always reap the rewards of our efforts but we trust that we are making a difference to their lives today and giving them hope and insight into a different future.

Please feel free to have a chat with Debbie or Graham if you would like to know more!

(Interview by Anne Johnson, from the Feb/March 07 Castle Vision)